I have a unusual penchant for expressing my mood through the graph of functions. For example, If I am having an awesome day I will imagine the graph of y=e^x. If I experience a variety of emotions or my mood has been erratic, I will picture the graph of y=sin(x). So when the idea struck me to write about my life over that past few years, I immediately pictured the graph of y=-ln(x). For anyone without a graphing calculator at their disposal, it’s means that my life has been pretty terrible.
Today reaffirmed my disbelief in coincidences.
It all started here on tumblr, mid-December of 2011. Just another day, mindlessly scrolling through blogs for my own entertainment. I’ve always dreamt of going to a prestigious university, so it occurred to me to search Harvard, in hopes of finding the blogs of people who were accepted early decision. I found a couple, some of which didn’t interest me; others did, but only marginally. However, I decided to scroll through multiple posts on one girls page. She played cello. In many posts I saw her mention, this cool summer program. Upon further investigation, I realized it was program at MIT for rising seniors. Seemed cool. I searched on Google (not much of a “search,” it’s Google for crying out loud) and found the website. As I read through the website, my interest grew until I realized that I was only a high school sophomore. I’d have to wait a year to apply. Cognizant of my short-term memory, I bookmarked the website, labeling it “GRADE 11,” I’d be back later. Fast-forward one solar year, I was junior and decided to throw caution to wind and apply. If I got in, GREAT! If not, no love lost. Me being myself, I procrastinated like hell and started the application in mid-January, mind you the application is due MID-JANUARY. The deadline was approaching quickly and I hadn’t even started an essay. I decided to give up. With the approaching deadline, SAT’s and demanding classes, I realized the the program would have to take the backseat. Surprisingly, I received an email the same day from the program’s admissions office, that the due date was postponed. With the extra time being, I decided, once more, to give the program a shot. To make a long-winded, tedious story short, I was able to submit the application on time. Although my approach to the program was nonchalant throughout the months preceding the submission of my application, I became very worried about it. I was almost sure that my application was a piece of crap, that there was no chance in the world the admission’s office would take me seriously. Leading up to the decisions, I prayed tirelessly about the program. If this program did anything for me, it increased my faith. One night (or morning, I don’t even know) I was watching Carl Lentz preach a message on Grace. He made mention of the fact that God does not act out our strength but he makes his strength manifest through us. Essentially, if your dream doesn’t involve God’s intervention, than it’s not a God dream/vision. That sentiment resonated with me and I realized that my admission into the program was not contingent on my own abilities (because I know my essays were garbage) but rather on God’s grace. I began to pray that God’s will be done in my life and if this program was his will, he would allow it. Today is April, 11, 2013 and I’ve been accepted to the summer program. I do not believe that any event leading up to my acceptance was a coincidence in the least. I believe it was all God-ordained, from my mindless blog surfing to the program extension. Nothing was a coincidence. From here on out I will forever place my trust in the hands of God. I’ve always asked for God to demonstrate his power to me, to “show” me he existed. Although, in retrospect that request was foolish and unnecessary (because God does not have to “prove” himself), this was a full demonstration of him working in my life, ordering my affairs, and executing his sovereign will.